Friday, 19 December 2014

THE RESULTS ARE IN

So on Wednesday morning I got up at 5:00am so I could both get ready for work and also have time to check my HSC exam results. I did not sleep well at all and woke up so many times throughout the night because of how nervous I was waiting for them to be in. Anyway they were released at 5:30am on Wednesday.

The individual marks from the exams were personal bests and i could not have been happier. I received a 68 in English, 71 in both Legal Studies and Modern History, 74 in Maths and 80 in Community and Family Studies. I thought that with those marks I would get a pretty good ATAR on Thursday morning and I was extremely proud of myself. However I was very wrong.

ON Thursday ATARs were not released until am and by then I was already at work and did not have time to check it. I finished at 5pm and was stressing all day about what it would be but I guessed that it would be fairly good at least 65+. I was very wrong. I checked
my ATAR and it came out as a 56.90. That number broke my heart and continued to do so for three hours. I literally cried for three hours straight about my ATAR. That ATAR was not good enough to get me into university.

Due to the location in which I live I am eligible for bonus points. Thank god for bonus points. I called all three universities and my recalculated ATAR was between 69.90 and 75.30. That 75.30 ensured me a guaranteed spot in my first preference of a double degree in Business and Commerce. I am over the moon and can safely say that I could not have do it without those bonus points. I just hope that they didn't lie to me on the phone and I do in fact still have that guaranteed offer in January.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

HSC RESULTS ARE RELEASED TOMORROW!

So tomorrow is the moment of truth, well half of it anyway. I get my results from my external exams that were completed about two months ago. I have so many mixed emotions about the entire thing to be completely honest. Like if I didn't do well in these exams that may mean the end of my dream of going to university. However, if i do well it might mean i get guaranteed entry into my preferred course at my preferred uni.

I will be back on Thursday night with how I feel about both my HSC results and also my ATAR.

Friday, 12 December 2014

MALE DOMINATED WORKPLACES. WHY?

I work in the construction industry as of a month ago. It is my first job and I really enjoy myself when I am there. But the workplace only has eight female employees with a total of 30+ male employees. Don't get me wrong it is a wonderful workplace and everyone that works there are truly lovely people but it still baffles me that a site like ours and a society like we have there is such a difference in numbers between the sexes.

Monday, 1 December 2014

LONG TIME NO SEE!

So, I not checked my blog in about a month to be honest as I have been busy adapting to the real world of full time work and balancing family, a boyfriend and being an adult now. But after finally finding the time to have a little look at things I have discovered that there are a lot more people that are interested in my life than I ever thought possible and i have to say thankyou so much to each and every one of you guys that have contributed to the rapid growth of my blog. I am overwhelmed by the views I have had and never imagined that this blog would ever become so important and meaningful to me.

I will catch you all up on my new found adulthood, full time work and many more things that have happened in the past month but I need you all to bear with me while I get back into the swing of things.

And again, thankyou all so much for being so precious!

Thursday, 23 October 2014

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME.

So four years this shitty quality photo was taken on my flip phone. As a thirteen year old girl I thought it would be funny to send this picture to the boy that i wanted to like me in order to make him jealous. I don't even think I need to mention that it didn't work in the slightest. Ryan could not care about what I had sent and to be honest the only thing I do remember about that day was meeting the boy I am kissing's mother and going to his house for the first time. I don't remember what Ryans reaction was but I remember everything else.
October 23rd 2010 at 4:47pm

Just over two years after that photo was taken I figured out the boy in the photo was the boy for me. He was who I wanted in my life. So I started my journey in trying to get him to fall in love with me. It took two months for me to get up the courage to even message him. I knew who he was, he was in my group of friends at school and i had been to his house again after that for group gatherings but it was nothing that crazy.
Ryan is the one on the left next to me and Lach is the one on the right.



Anyway, it took me over two months the send him a facebook message and to be honest i was so nervous to send it. It was about the walking dead because I knew that he liked the show and if I messaged him about it then there was a good chance he would reply to me. Anyway, we talked for a really long time on facebook and our friendship grew a whole lot stronger over the course of about six months. We talked about our fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations, family, school, friends, relationships. Anything you could think of we spoke about. Although the entire time I wanted to be more than just friends and I dropped some major hints to him that i thought went unnoticed but now i know he actually picked up on them but just didn't know how to respond because he didn't feel the same way.

We even got to graduate high school together.


In late April of 2013 I told him the I liked a boy and he was questioning me on who it was. I let him guess and after a while it guessed that it was him. It scared me so much to say that it was him but in the end it worked out. For about four months after that it began getting weird. He wanted me to be around but didn't want a relationship with me and that was beginning to really become an issue for me. I didn't like being so close to him when he knew the feelings I had for him and I knew that they weren't mutual.

Anyway, jump to mid August of 2013 and we were at a birthday dinner. After the dinner we went back to our friends house for movies and he was really happy to have my legs draped over him and after a while we starting hold hands. That was really cute because he wasn't that kind of a person. He wouldn't just get all cosy with a friend. Then i knew that he must of felt something more and when i questioned him about it he said he didn't have any feeling for me. That was the last straw I couldn't take being so close to him anymore and I told him that if he didn't have feelings for me that we should stop messaging. Mind you the messaging was non-stop from the first message until then .I ignored him at school and tried not to message him but it was so hard.

Look at him! Isn't he the cutest!

About two weeks later we had another friends birthday and we were at her house. I was sitting on his lap and we were holding hands. It was really cute. Then he started tickling me. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me but he wouldn't do it. That kind of annoyed me because i wanted to kiss him to but didn't want to accidentally miss read the signs.

There were no misread signs at new years that's for sure.


So the next night we had another birthday party. This one was a bit more intense. I was sitting on his lap again while watching movies and a girl was sitting next to us. He name was Yolanda, she is a lovely girl and she kept asking if we were a couple. We kept saying no because we weren't. Our faces were close and she told us to kiss. We both refused but after a while I got sick of waiting and I kissed him. It wasn't great and it wasn't bad but it was okay.

Now the little love is 18!
What we were met with at school was a little full on though. Because both of us were in the same friendship group everyone knew about our kiss instantly. Which would have been fine if either one of us knew what it meant. We didn't know if we wanted to be in a relationship with one another or if it was just a mistake. Either way we waited until the next weekend when he came over to my house and we talked about it. That was the 31st of August 2013 and it was almost 14 months ago. I won't forget that day or how it panned out because that was the day that he finally took the leap and decided that it was okay to have a girlfriend.

It makes me so happy that we have lasted so long and I hope we last even longer because he truly is an amazing man. I don't know what i would do without him in my life. He is so wonderful and i love him a whole lot.
I know I don't look very happy on our first anniversary I promise I was!


P.s. I scattered photos of us throughout the post so that it didn't get boring for you guys. Let me know what you think about my story and how far Lach and I have come in four years.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

AS IF IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS ALREADY!

Three months ago I got a phone call from Lach that changed my life forever. He said in a shaky voice that Callum had passed away. At first it didn't click as to who he was talking about. I thought it was one of our friends brothers. No, it was the Callum that we had grown up with. The Callum that we loved and treasured, the Cal that we never anticipating losing.

The week that followed was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The day after was possibly the worst. Seeing my entire grade coming to terms with the loss of such a wonderful young man. He meant a lot to all of us. As a grade that was made up of only 70 students it hit us all pretty hard. We all saw each other everyday. We all talked everyday and now we were missing one of the people that every single one of us loved. The tears that were shed by not only students but our parents, our teachers and other students from years below us that had seen him and his infectious smile.

His funeral was hard. I had never been to a funeral for someone who was so young. I had also only been to two before that. My own grandfathers funeral in 2010 and an elderly lady who had lived up the street from me my entire life in 2012. It was extremely difficult to sit and say goodbye to a boy that had taught me so much over the years.

Callum didn't get to get his HSC like he had been wanting to do. He didn't get to graduate high school with his friends either.

He is sadly missed and i think about him everyday. He was a great friend to me and an even better friend to Lach.

Love you so much Cal! xxx

Monday, 13 October 2014

ENGLISH PAPER 1

So today I began the HSC exam journey. As always it started with English paper 1 that focuses on our area of study and for the last year we had to do belonging. Which I always thought was crap but to be honest it is actually not that bad.

The test consisted of three unseen texts that were were required to answer short answer questions on. In this section there were three three mark questions and one six mark question. This was different from every other year so it threw us all. However I actually feel fairly confident with it. Section 2 of the exam was imaginative writing. I actually suck so bad at that but that's okay it is only worth fifteen marks. Lastly we had our essay that we had to write. It was about our prescribed text and one related text. My prescribed text was The Simple Gift by Steven Herrick, it was about a young boy named Billy who leaves an abusive home an became homeless in a new town called Benderat. He falls in love with an upper class named Caitlin when she is at work at McDonalds and they eventually become a couple. He also becomes best friends with another homeless man, this mans name is also Bill. So Billy calls him Old Bill throughout the entire book. By the way, it is a book of poems. there are like 150 short as poems in there and they make up a whole novel. My related text was Abbi Glines' The Vincent Boys. it is a novel about a preachers daughter who gets with the resident bad boy. But the resident bad boy is also her boyfriends cousin and her old best friend. This becomes an issue when she actually gets with her boyfriends cousin when they are actually still together.

These texts probably sound really confusing and to be frank the entire test was confusing but it is one less I have to do tomorrow. Also if anyone who is doing their HSC is reading this after paper 1 or any of their exams for that matter. I hope you are doing well and remmeber that your mental health is way more important than any test score can be and there are so many other ways to get into university than just your ATAR,

Good luck on English paper 2 my HSC friends and I hope that your exams and the Board of Studies is kind to you these next few weeks. Remember that everyone is in the same boat as you so just take a deep breath and chill out. It will all be over so very soon.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

STRESS AND HATING THE HSC

The stress about my impending HSC exams has really started to take its toll. Everyday I get really worried about what is going to happen in my life and if I am prepared enough for my exams. It is getting to the point where I am on the verge of tears everyday, physically nauseous, have headaches and just nervous all the time.

They say that we should not be stressed about our ATAR or the HSC but how can they turn around and say that now. For the past 5 years we have repeatedly been told that this is the most important time of our lives and that what happens now affects what happens in the future. By calling something 'the most important exam of your life' it is sure to bring some amounts of stress and add some pressure. The fact that the HSC is the hardest means of graduating high school in Australia must mean that it is unnecessary. Us HSC kids are being ranked against people who do things that are so much easier and consequently get better ATARs than we do. These people then get into the courses that HSC students wanted to get into but can't because our exams, our curriculum, our everything has been harder from the beginning. It is not fair and needs to stop.

I believe that you should not be tested on your memory as a way to determine your intelligence. The HSC is a test of memory, it is nothing but that. If you remember everything that relates to your syllabus content then you will get that 99.95 ATAR that everyone dreams of. But too many cannot do that. I cannot do that. As Albert Einstein once said "Everybody is a genius. If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." This is what the HSC is doing to us all. It is not fair that we are being judged on things that we may not be good at and having them define our career paths.

Monday, 29 September 2014

YOUTUBE AND ZOELLA

I've been watching Zoella for just over two years and have seen not only her channel grow in popularity but also the rest of the world take notice of how talented and beautiful she is inside and out. I love that the world is starting to take notice of Youtubers in a manner that portrays them as not just people that sit in their room and make videos but as people who are making a career out of something that they love. I am aware that I myself am not a Youtuber so I can not truly know what is involved in the whole Youtube game. But I like to believe that I have watched enough videos of these people explaining their lives and their jobs to understand that they only show us a tiny bit of their lives and there is so much more involved than many are led to believe.

I am so proud of Zoe. I know that I do not know her personally and have never actually met her but through her vlogs and her main channel videos I have seen the process of both her book and Zoella Beauty. Well as much of the process as she has shown. I know that people on Youtube don't like their viewers pretending like they know them in any way. But I do feel that with what she has shown to her viewers and the way I have seen and read about they way she handles herself and does not let her anxiety take hold of her really is so wonderful. I understand that I do not know her and any Youtuber personally and don't pretend to but it doesn't change the fact that with what I see from them gives me a sense of happiness for them.

All in all what I am trying to say is that the people that I am subscribed to on Youtube do something that furthers them in their career I feel an immense feeling of pride for them. They work so hard and cop a lot of flack for what they do for a living but nobody except them really know what goes into making videos and the other endeavors that they pursue as a result of their subscribers and the support that they receive from them.

Saturday, 27 September 2014

BODY CONFIDENCE.

It has just dawned upon me that my size/weight does not matter to me anymore in terms of being 'skinny'. All that truly matters is that I am happy and healthy in my own skin. Health is a whole lot more important than losing weight to fit into a certain pair of jeans or look good in that top. I believe that the only thing that makes shedding that kilos an urgent necessity is if your lifestyle and the way you are is detrimental to your health and well being whether that is your physical or emotional health and well being. If being the size that you are makes you feel bad then by all means change something but try not to go to extremes that will negatively effect you in the future.

It is seen too often that young men and women are effected negatively by the way that people portray what is expected of them. Eating disorders are a real issue and they are becoming an even bigger one in today's society. I cannot make a judgement upon eating disorders and the motivations of people effected by them but I do know that these eating issues produce long lasting problems for suffers. I have not been effected by nor has anyone i am close to been effected by an eating disorder to my knowledge and I am only speaking from research that I have down for school projects over the years but eating disorders can kill people and the way that the media portrays beauty is a solid reason and push for people to start questioning their size.

I myself forced myself to lose a whole lot of weight about two years ago because i purposely bought a prom dress that was two sizes to small. I felt that in order to be beautiful on the night I had to be smaller than I was. To be honest I was extremely happy with the results that my hard work produced but i wasn't doing it for the right reasons because as soon as I fit into that dress and prom night was over I stopped working out.

I have begun exercising again recently but this time it is to ensure that I am as fit and healthy as i can be. My health these days is my main priority, I know that I am only 17 and people say that being so young I don't know how the world works or what is good for me. These people are wrong they cannot tell me what I do and don't know about myself. They have no idea what or who I am as a person. Because for the first time I am content with the way I am and I don't need anyone to tell me I need to change.

Friday, 26 September 2014

IT'S ALL OVER FOLKS

Some people may not find it as daunting or unsettling as I do but there is a weird feeling that comes over someone when the door to a huge chapter of their life is closing. I know that the majority of people around the world have to deal with leaving school at some stage in their lives but it has finally hit me that it all ended 8 days ago. As of 1 pm on the 18th of September 2014 I became an ex-high school student.I will no longer have to walk to that bus stop at 8 am every weekday and catch the bus as the oldest person on there and walk up that ramp and flight of stairs to sit in our window. I will no longer dread going to English or get excited for a double maths because our teacher is bringing us food. Birthdays of friends won't be the same without strategically hiding their birthday cake from them in the fridge and emerging with it at lunch time as the entire year sings them a happy birthday. My days won't be the same when I don't spend ten minutes of every morning with the best friend I could ever ask for that I followed to classes in the 7th grade because I thought she would think I was weird if I asked her where our class room was - reflecting upon that I now discover that she would have thought I was so much more of a nutter by just following her everywhere.

There are so many decisions that have been required to be made over the last few months and I don't know how I feel about it at all. It worries me a whole lot. We were taught to sit down and listen for so long being told what to do and when to do it for 13 years and then all of the sudden the education system expects students to make life changing decisions about what they are going to choose as a life long occupation. That is a hard decision for 16 year olds to make. Those decisions have been so difficult but it has what has happened in between that have shaped who we as a grade are as people. We have been dealt some pretty shitty hands this year and we have lost people we are close to but we have all supported one another and pushed through.

I so badly wanted to graduate with the people I held nearest and dearest sitting beside me but unfortunately I cannot. Callum, you were taken too soon and i truly wish that you weren't. You were never supposed to pass away so young. Some people may not think that Muscular Distrophy can take someones life and some other people know that it can but expect it to be a long road of pain and suffering for the person it affects but for our Callum it did not do that. He was happy and healthy just hours before and out of nowhere he was taken from us. It gets harder when I look around that study room or we are doing an exam and you aren't there with your cheeky little smile but I know that i was so blessed to have been able to spend a great amount of time with you and make memories that will last a life time.

The memories that I have made over the years with the girls and guys have been undoubtedly memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. We have done some things that define our friendships. From completely removing everything from our year 11 legal studies classroom which included all of the desks, textbooks, chairs, teachers desk, all of it! Going on countless excursions to look at things that we would never have seen if it wasn't for them. I have seen four universities with my best friends, beaches, cities, different cultures and they way each and every one of them look when they wake up. The 30+ people I have been excited to see and spend my days with everyday of the year are all going to be starting their new lives soon and unfortunately they are not all going to end up in the same place that I am next year and I will miss all of their faces so much. But I do know that when we reunite on our university breaks then we will most certainly catch up with a family dinner with a theme that we all enjoyed the first time round; Mexican!

So all in all I am just venting and reminiscing upon what I will miss, the people, the memories and the way they all make me feel. High school defined who I was, it was the place i met my friends, discovered who I was, felt love, felt heartbreak and fell in love all over again with the boy I will cherish forever. That school is a part of me and it will never leave me.

This lot have made my endless hours at school worth it and filled my weekends with laughter and happiness. Thanks folks, I will miss you but I will never forget any of you!




















Thursday, 4 September 2014

REVEIW - EFI DESIGNS

Today my formal dress arrived and it is even more beautiful than I could had ever expected! I was nervous about buying it online due to it being such an important dress but I am so glad i did it.

EFI Designs on facebook was where I got my formal dress and they were wonderful. The service and delivery time were great too. I spent a lot of time messaging EFI to make certain that the purchase would be the right one for me. She happily and quickly answered them as best as she could. I ordered my dress on Wednesday night last week and it arrived today.

My experience with EFI was extremely positive and i would definitely recommend it if you are looking for a dress for a formal occasion. She was so helpful and has such a huge selection of dresses in a variety of styles. I am so glad that I found the page.

(This is the dress I got but it is not grey, it is purple)

Wednesday, 3 September 2014

FIRST IN HISTORY?

So I have wanted to come first in a HSC class for so long and Modern History was the one that I really wanted to do well in. It turns out that I am apparently good at making up historical facts.. I came first and now i can finally do the thing I have wanted to do for so long. I now have the opportunity to get up on the presentation night stage and accept a reward for something I have worked so hard for.

I am not actually that academic and have never been that good at school, like i got by with okay marks and this final year has been extremely difficult with the things that our entire grade has had to deal with, particularly within the last two or three months. We have had stress from our trial exams, actual HSC exams, assessments and the death of a beloved young man that unfortunately cannot graduate with us anymore. We have had some serious shit to deal with and have made ourselves physically sick due to this stress but we have still done well.

I am so proud of myself to have done something that i can be proud of and will look exceptionally good on my university principals recommendation for when i apply for university. I am so thankful for the people that supported me through school especially these last few months. No words to thank them enough!

Tuesday, 2 September 2014

GET TO KNOW ME.

Name: Ainsley

Age: 17 years 9 months and 29 days

Relationship Status: So very in love with my boy!



The meaning behind your blog name: Mine and Lachlan's song is Postcards by James Blunt so it seemed fitting.

Occupation: Currently in high school but i hope to work in discrimination law or accounting maybe ever psychology.

The last time you cried: I saw something at school that reminded me of a friend that passed away last month.

Looks or personality: To be honest nobody sees someones personality at first glance. We see their face, their body and the way that they present themselves which intrigues us and we begin to become attracted to personality after the initial intrigue of the way they look. So ultimately looks draw someone in and the personality makes them stay.

An experience you will never forget: When i was in year 10 (2 years ago) i was chosen by my school to serve a formal lunch to Crown Princess Mary of Denmark. She is so beautiful, poised and polite in real life. It was an honor to do something like that.

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio ;)

Last person you kissed and why: It was my boyfriend and he was wishing me luck on an English exam that i had to go and do.

Piercings: I have my first holes (lobes) done but i want more, something like this.









Monday, 1 September 2014

HAPPY ONE YEAR YOU SHITHEAD

Lachlan, you make my days so much better, when i wake up in the morning it is you that i think of. You make me so very happy and privileged to be a part of your life. 

Who would have thought the sixteen year old girl standing outside of PE who was heartbroken over her ex boyfriend and her best friend getting together would find the boy that she no couldn't live without. You could see it in my face that i was upset and you asked me "what's up buttercup" it was so simple but it make me give you a second thought. It was filled with concern and care. we had been friends for about four years before this but i never thought that we could ever be more than friends. Turns out we could. 

We have had our ups and downs, like any couple we do fight and sometimes it gets intense but at the end of the day i still love you more than you could ever know.We have so amazing memories that we have made over the past year and i would not trade them for the world. Our first road trip was so cute and we had so much fun while we were away. Now i think about it we have been in three different states together in the past four months. That is a solid effort!
Mildura was the only one we took photos in though :(





We take some pretty cute pictures together and i must admit that we truly are the envy of every other couple i have met. Your face was so priceless when i gave your that framed map of Middle Earth yesterday and it most likely represented the face that i made when you gave me my Scott Body Shop hoodie that Lucas from One Tree Hill wears. I have wanted one for so long and now i finally have it! Words cannot describe how thankful I am for it. 



You were my first new years kiss and the first boy to truly actually care about me. Bringing in the new year with you was so wonderful and so was celebrating your adulthood. 


We clearly have taken too many photos together but i will add a few that i love nearly as much as you.


I hope we are still this happy for years to come just like this one!