Thursday, 23 October 2014

LOOK HOW FAR WE HAVE COME.

So four years this shitty quality photo was taken on my flip phone. As a thirteen year old girl I thought it would be funny to send this picture to the boy that i wanted to like me in order to make him jealous. I don't even think I need to mention that it didn't work in the slightest. Ryan could not care about what I had sent and to be honest the only thing I do remember about that day was meeting the boy I am kissing's mother and going to his house for the first time. I don't remember what Ryans reaction was but I remember everything else.
October 23rd 2010 at 4:47pm

Just over two years after that photo was taken I figured out the boy in the photo was the boy for me. He was who I wanted in my life. So I started my journey in trying to get him to fall in love with me. It took two months for me to get up the courage to even message him. I knew who he was, he was in my group of friends at school and i had been to his house again after that for group gatherings but it was nothing that crazy.
Ryan is the one on the left next to me and Lach is the one on the right.



Anyway, it took me over two months the send him a facebook message and to be honest i was so nervous to send it. It was about the walking dead because I knew that he liked the show and if I messaged him about it then there was a good chance he would reply to me. Anyway, we talked for a really long time on facebook and our friendship grew a whole lot stronger over the course of about six months. We talked about our fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations, family, school, friends, relationships. Anything you could think of we spoke about. Although the entire time I wanted to be more than just friends and I dropped some major hints to him that i thought went unnoticed but now i know he actually picked up on them but just didn't know how to respond because he didn't feel the same way.

We even got to graduate high school together.


In late April of 2013 I told him the I liked a boy and he was questioning me on who it was. I let him guess and after a while it guessed that it was him. It scared me so much to say that it was him but in the end it worked out. For about four months after that it began getting weird. He wanted me to be around but didn't want a relationship with me and that was beginning to really become an issue for me. I didn't like being so close to him when he knew the feelings I had for him and I knew that they weren't mutual.

Anyway, jump to mid August of 2013 and we were at a birthday dinner. After the dinner we went back to our friends house for movies and he was really happy to have my legs draped over him and after a while we starting hold hands. That was really cute because he wasn't that kind of a person. He wouldn't just get all cosy with a friend. Then i knew that he must of felt something more and when i questioned him about it he said he didn't have any feeling for me. That was the last straw I couldn't take being so close to him anymore and I told him that if he didn't have feelings for me that we should stop messaging. Mind you the messaging was non-stop from the first message until then .I ignored him at school and tried not to message him but it was so hard.

Look at him! Isn't he the cutest!

About two weeks later we had another friends birthday and we were at her house. I was sitting on his lap and we were holding hands. It was really cute. Then he started tickling me. I could see in his eyes that he wanted to kiss me but he wouldn't do it. That kind of annoyed me because i wanted to kiss him to but didn't want to accidentally miss read the signs.

There were no misread signs at new years that's for sure.


So the next night we had another birthday party. This one was a bit more intense. I was sitting on his lap again while watching movies and a girl was sitting next to us. He name was Yolanda, she is a lovely girl and she kept asking if we were a couple. We kept saying no because we weren't. Our faces were close and she told us to kiss. We both refused but after a while I got sick of waiting and I kissed him. It wasn't great and it wasn't bad but it was okay.

Now the little love is 18!
What we were met with at school was a little full on though. Because both of us were in the same friendship group everyone knew about our kiss instantly. Which would have been fine if either one of us knew what it meant. We didn't know if we wanted to be in a relationship with one another or if it was just a mistake. Either way we waited until the next weekend when he came over to my house and we talked about it. That was the 31st of August 2013 and it was almost 14 months ago. I won't forget that day or how it panned out because that was the day that he finally took the leap and decided that it was okay to have a girlfriend.

It makes me so happy that we have lasted so long and I hope we last even longer because he truly is an amazing man. I don't know what i would do without him in my life. He is so wonderful and i love him a whole lot.
I know I don't look very happy on our first anniversary I promise I was!


P.s. I scattered photos of us throughout the post so that it didn't get boring for you guys. Let me know what you think about my story and how far Lach and I have come in four years.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

AS IF IT HAS BEEN THREE MONTHS ALREADY!

Three months ago I got a phone call from Lach that changed my life forever. He said in a shaky voice that Callum had passed away. At first it didn't click as to who he was talking about. I thought it was one of our friends brothers. No, it was the Callum that we had grown up with. The Callum that we loved and treasured, the Cal that we never anticipating losing.

The week that followed was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The day after was possibly the worst. Seeing my entire grade coming to terms with the loss of such a wonderful young man. He meant a lot to all of us. As a grade that was made up of only 70 students it hit us all pretty hard. We all saw each other everyday. We all talked everyday and now we were missing one of the people that every single one of us loved. The tears that were shed by not only students but our parents, our teachers and other students from years below us that had seen him and his infectious smile.

His funeral was hard. I had never been to a funeral for someone who was so young. I had also only been to two before that. My own grandfathers funeral in 2010 and an elderly lady who had lived up the street from me my entire life in 2012. It was extremely difficult to sit and say goodbye to a boy that had taught me so much over the years.

Callum didn't get to get his HSC like he had been wanting to do. He didn't get to graduate high school with his friends either.

He is sadly missed and i think about him everyday. He was a great friend to me and an even better friend to Lach.

Love you so much Cal! xxx

Monday, 13 October 2014

ENGLISH PAPER 1

So today I began the HSC exam journey. As always it started with English paper 1 that focuses on our area of study and for the last year we had to do belonging. Which I always thought was crap but to be honest it is actually not that bad.

The test consisted of three unseen texts that were were required to answer short answer questions on. In this section there were three three mark questions and one six mark question. This was different from every other year so it threw us all. However I actually feel fairly confident with it. Section 2 of the exam was imaginative writing. I actually suck so bad at that but that's okay it is only worth fifteen marks. Lastly we had our essay that we had to write. It was about our prescribed text and one related text. My prescribed text was The Simple Gift by Steven Herrick, it was about a young boy named Billy who leaves an abusive home an became homeless in a new town called Benderat. He falls in love with an upper class named Caitlin when she is at work at McDonalds and they eventually become a couple. He also becomes best friends with another homeless man, this mans name is also Bill. So Billy calls him Old Bill throughout the entire book. By the way, it is a book of poems. there are like 150 short as poems in there and they make up a whole novel. My related text was Abbi Glines' The Vincent Boys. it is a novel about a preachers daughter who gets with the resident bad boy. But the resident bad boy is also her boyfriends cousin and her old best friend. This becomes an issue when she actually gets with her boyfriends cousin when they are actually still together.

These texts probably sound really confusing and to be frank the entire test was confusing but it is one less I have to do tomorrow. Also if anyone who is doing their HSC is reading this after paper 1 or any of their exams for that matter. I hope you are doing well and remmeber that your mental health is way more important than any test score can be and there are so many other ways to get into university than just your ATAR,

Good luck on English paper 2 my HSC friends and I hope that your exams and the Board of Studies is kind to you these next few weeks. Remember that everyone is in the same boat as you so just take a deep breath and chill out. It will all be over so very soon.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

STRESS AND HATING THE HSC

The stress about my impending HSC exams has really started to take its toll. Everyday I get really worried about what is going to happen in my life and if I am prepared enough for my exams. It is getting to the point where I am on the verge of tears everyday, physically nauseous, have headaches and just nervous all the time.

They say that we should not be stressed about our ATAR or the HSC but how can they turn around and say that now. For the past 5 years we have repeatedly been told that this is the most important time of our lives and that what happens now affects what happens in the future. By calling something 'the most important exam of your life' it is sure to bring some amounts of stress and add some pressure. The fact that the HSC is the hardest means of graduating high school in Australia must mean that it is unnecessary. Us HSC kids are being ranked against people who do things that are so much easier and consequently get better ATARs than we do. These people then get into the courses that HSC students wanted to get into but can't because our exams, our curriculum, our everything has been harder from the beginning. It is not fair and needs to stop.

I believe that you should not be tested on your memory as a way to determine your intelligence. The HSC is a test of memory, it is nothing but that. If you remember everything that relates to your syllabus content then you will get that 99.95 ATAR that everyone dreams of. But too many cannot do that. I cannot do that. As Albert Einstein once said "Everybody is a genius. If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid." This is what the HSC is doing to us all. It is not fair that we are being judged on things that we may not be good at and having them define our career paths.